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Tom: D
Intro:
D D
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a --3-0-3----------3-0-3----------
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Verse 1:
D
The old bastard lay sprawled on the nursin' home floor
G
He'd been wankin' and fell out of his chair.
A
And as he fell on his guts his calostomy bust
D
Splatterin' muck and guck and shit everywhere.
D
It was all up the wall on the matron and all
G
It was caked on her apron and hair.
A A
And as we ducked for cover that filthy old bugger
A D
Just sat there with his cock in his hand.
Verse 2:
D
Oh, couldn't been a worse day 'cause it was his birthday
G
With the rellies rally'd all 'round his bed.
A
Absolutely amazed that he'd actually made
D
Another birthday 'cause he should have been dead.
D
With all that fuckin' and fightin' that he'd done in his life
G
He should have been hung years ago.
A A
By any number of blokes who's missus he'd poked
A D
With that monster he was strokin' there now.
Refrão -------------
D
Oh, Grandad's got a stiffy
A
Grandad's got a bone.
Somebody better get Nana in quick
D
We promised her we'd phone.
D
He's O.D.d on viagra
G
Call Grandmother up on the phone.
A
Grandad's got a stiffy
D
Grandad's got a bone.
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Instrumental:
D G A D
Verse 3:
D
But he just couldn't stop wankin' so we chucked on a blanket
G
So the women and kids couldn't see.
A
His battered banana hangin' out his pajamas
D
And the come stain and shit on the sheets.
D
But that filthy old bastard sat cacklin' and laughin'
G
Just wavin' his slug in the air.
A A
And by the look in his eye, matron knew it was time
A D
Everybody get the fuck out of here.
Chorus:
D
'Cause Grandad's got a stiffy
A
Grandad's got a bone.
Somebody better get Nana in quick
D
We promised her we'd phone.
D
He's pullin' him self ta pieces
G
Call Grandmother up on the phone.
A
Grandad's got a stiffy
D
Grandad's got a bone.
Refrão -------------
D
Oh, Grandad's got a stiffy
A
Grandad's got a bone.
Somebody better get Nana in quick
D
We promised her we'd phone.
D
'Cause Grandad's goin' ballistic
G
Call Grandmother up on the phone.
A
Grandad's got a stiffy
D
Grandad's got a bone.
A
Grandad's got a stiffy
D
Grandad's got a bone.