Intro: G SPOKEN OVER Intro: -Alright, here's my tribute to everyone who's ever wanted to be a country singer, includin' me. G C9 G Well I'll starve myself so I can be skinny, just to get a record deal C9 G D I'll let 'em paint me up and take pretty pictures, while I try to be myself G C9 G And nobody wants an ugly fat singer, so I gots to do my part C9 G D G I get pumped-up, decked-out, hire myself a band, 'cause I'm gonna be a county star N/C CHORUS: A C G And then someday he's gonna fly to Vegas, sportin' him a copper tan C A He's gonna spend most of the money he makes tourin' with his five-piece band G C9 D Yeah everybody says the ride is gonna end, but when it's all said and done C9 G D G I'll be rich fat and ugly but happy if the girls still like me some Solo: C9 G C D G SPOKEN OVER Solo: -Don't sound too bad to me, Bill -No, it's a plan -Retirement at it's best -That's right, got me a Lear jet, a limo and everything, but you before you can have all that, you got to do the groundwork first -Bill, talk to me, show me the line-up -Getcha a pencil and paper, here we go -I got to hear about the pieces to this puzzle -Alright G C9 G Well I'll hire a manager, agent and producer, and get some publicity (it's a necessary evil) C9 G D I'm gonna pay 'em all a big fat percentage jus' to tell me what I need (ouch) G C9 G Then when I've had it and they've run me ragged and my record's in the discount bin G (whatcha gonna do Bill?) C9 G D G I'll fire 'em all (get 'em Bill!) and tour much cheaper as just another old has-been N/C CHORUS: A C G Then you can bet one day he's gonna fly to Vegas sportin' him a copper tan G (Like George Hamilton) G C A He might keep a little more of the money he makes travellin' as a one-man band A (I don't need no roadie) G C9 D Yeah eh-everybody says Bill the ride's gonna end, but when it's all said and done C9 G D G I'll be rich fat and ugly but happy if the girls still like me some C9 G D C9 G Yeah I'll be rich fat and ugly but happy if the girls still like me some C D G